How time can break you down!

I know I have written within this blog for along time, and I have good reason why,many things has taken place within these past months, from the physcial aspect to he mental as well as the spiritual, and yet my mind and heart is still serving the Lord. Like Job, I refuse to allow the devil to win, to destroy all that has been built within me by the hands of my father, my savior and teacher.

When life seem to go wrong, it don't just rain, it pours, and the more it pours the more you begin to feel as if you are going to float away, and there is no one that can save you. But how wrong we are, everything in our lives is not cause by the devil, nor is it meant to destroy you. How do I know, just these few months my mind and heart was full of pain, discomfort, confusion and bewilderment, and those stages alone almost cost my relationship with God. I was mad and I felt abandon by him for a while. Now you may say, how is that possible when you are a ordain minister. And yet that may be true, but I am still human, and I still feel pain, and still get confused. That is one of the reason why I believe God allowed to start this blog, to show the world no matter how gifted we may be mentally, spiritually, and emotionally, we still have a very hard time overcoming obstacles that truly cost pain in our lives.

Some people may ask what could be so bad for you to feel anger toward God. Well for one, I have been determine to have Liver cancer, don't ask me how, because I don't drink, never have and never well. But I use to smoke. So that may have been the case to this, then while attending doctors and getting things I need to prepare for this trial, I was released from my job over a lie that one of the clients I tried to help decided that I was there for them as much as I should of been. This is why it is a most as professional counselor you must make sure you have boundaries, because some individuals with mental problems begin to feel you are there for them and only them, and when that doesn't happen situation that I had to face will occur. You may could have said I could have frought for my job back, which is true, especially after I provide that it was a false statement on the clients behalf, but for some strange reason, I felt as if that job wasn't for me, at least that place of employment, because I felt betrayed, there was any form of trust there, especially after they found out that I was a man of God, and that I believe that there are times when medication and spirituality can and will work in a person life is they so believe and allow God to move. Well that is another rule one must be very careful about, you can't bring forth your own personal judgment or thoughts within a place of business, for others who may not feel the same way you do will feel disrespect or become argumentative toward your belief, and this is not just with the clients. (LOL)

So now here I was working on treatment, and now employment, I come to find out that the last class that I need to graduate isn't offered until the Summer term, which I wasn't told this, for I know this I would have taken this course last Summer or the Summer before then. So with that being said, always check with your advisor about your course and when they are being offered or you may end up like me, wondering where and how you are going to get the money to pay for this course, or you will not be graudating. Now can you imagine how I feel right now. Can you think of ways to make me smile?
Well I can only say, God has ways. No I the cancer is not gone, I am going through treatment now, which I have to make sure my class work is done because there are days when my body hurts so bad and I just can't move or think right.
No I do not have a job, which now I see why allow me to lose this employment at this time, because of the fact of the pain and discomfort I am now going through with treatment, and sooner or later they was either going to make me use up all my sick time or let me go. No I haven't figured out how I am going to get the money to pay for the last class for the summer session in order to graduate. But what I do know, Just like Job, I will not let go of my Father, I will lose faith within my Savior, and I will keep the Holy Spirit close to my heart and soul, for I know that by the will of God all things are possible by his hands and not by man.
So no matter what you are going through, no matter how you may feel,no matter what others may see, keep God first in your life, and I promise you he will make a way for everything to be alright.
God Bless you all.
Rev. Tony R. Smith