Knowing the truth!

Hello friends and Family;
I am truly sorry for my lateness in writing within my blog, but a lot has been happening these past few days. You know what you ask the Lord to show you the direction he see fit for you to go, there are times when you really don't want him to show you the truth, instead you want him to show you what you think it is true. And that is how I felt the other day. After being invited to preach at the South Side Mission for Women in Peoria, IL. I was truly open to all the outcome of seeing God go to work, watching the spirit of his love touch those hearts that sit in front of me, as I shared the power and wisdom of knowing the Lord.

But while I was preaching to them, the Father was preaching to me, for he begin too work out the discomfort I was feeling about leaving the Church I was a part of. The very thing I was preaching about, the spirit of the Lord was teaching me about, and leading me on a path that I have been afraid to do for a very long time, and that is start my own ministry.
Most people don't realize how fearful of being a failure takes control over you, how the thought of not making it can cause you to run from the truth instead of dealing with the truth. And that is what I have been feeling. God has brought me out of many things, and each situation I have learn to trust him fully. But then as a human being, we tend to allow those moments from the past, become a nightmare for the future, because those thoughts of what I did to survive back then made me feel as if I was not worthy of building a ministry that will please the Lord. It's not that I don't have the knowledge, or the compassion, or even the wisdom to do the will of building God ministry, it is the very fact of starting it all alone, trying to reach people, trying to build a congregation from the bottom up, trying to show the world that God is real, and being a part of the vision he has given me will be a blessing to you and those who join.
I tell you I am not afraid of sharing those words, nor showing them, but I just don't know where to begin. I have been so use of just working with others, helping others build their church, and making sure that the congregation had a pastor to help them in their journey, I tend to almost forgot what God had planned for me alone. But I tell you, when you ask him to inform you on his wishes he will not waste anytime. Here I am feeling uneasy with the Church I was helping, being involved in many things to show the community that this ministry should be a major focus in changing the lives of those who live within the area, helping children who are going through difficult times, and keeping it safe and productive.

My problem is not the community, my problem was the church, the congregation there became to relax, they was happy for the way things was, they didn't want to change. The outside world was what they wanted to be a part of, and they consider me to be what is called a new age preacher, one that wants to redeem the soul of the lost, as well as one who wants to go out into the world and reach out to them. But I was only doing what my father,told me to do, for he told me to go out into the byways and highways to reach the lost, the sick and even help those who proclaimed to be found, and that is what my mind and soul was doing. But somehow I keep bumping heads with the Senior Pastor and his board members, they seem to feel that my vision was not apart of the work they was doing. But my heart couldn't just watch the children, those families who live right across the street having to go about a mile or a half to go to another church to seek help if they are hungry or needing close or just help to pay some bills.

It hurt me to see those individuals looking for some form of support when they was trying to find the answer to get of off drugs, and needing a place to have meeting and learn about the spiritual side of being sober and clean, having a new life. So I was not just fighting my vision which God gave me, I was fighting man trying to get him to see what the path God was choosing for the Church to go. Well, I guess they felt I was to much, and after preaching at the South Side Mission for Women, I was called into a meeting and was told that they was going to let me go because I preached there without their permission.
Did it hurt, yes! But at the same time, I had prayed the night before because I was feeling off balance, I was beginning to feel useless at that Church, and ask God to show me if he truly desire me to be there, and if he do help me gain some form of help to get the congregation to see what they true purpose is. Now truly I wasn't expecting God to show me that I wasn't suppose to be there, and yet he allow this small situation to take form.

Now strange as it may seem, today I begin to receive calls from those women at the Mission asking me where will I be preaching at next, and could they attend the services. My tongue was in a knock, I didn't know what to say, but I did inform them that as soon as God lets me know I will inform them. So now here I am with a vision, a vision that is so strong inside of me, it is like fire, and it burning within my soul. The spirit is break all the old rules down, the wall of life and change is truly different, but yet I am a fish out of water. So the question is Father, what do I do next? What is your plans for a preacher like me? How should I build your ministry and help those who are seeking your love, mercy and wisdom?
For there is one thing I know for sure, I can't do this by myself without the help of the Lord. So at this point, I really don't know if anyone is reading this blog, but if you are I pray that God will allow you to have some good advice and the willing desire to help create and build a ministry that will do more then just preach about saving lives, but actually saving them from the lost sin's of this world.
I hope and pray whatever and where ever God is leading me, it will be the mark which he will say he is will please with me.
The Reverend